Can I get you a muffin?

Monday, January 09, 2006

I've got the Joy, Joy, Joy, down in my heart..

Where? Oh yes, I've got the joy down in the frigid blackness that is my bitter bitter heart. Except not. Nothing, absolutely nothing is making me happy today. Well execpt for those little baby Hershey mint bites that I was eating earlier- they were pretty good and almost brought a smile to my face until I realized that I had eaten the whole damn bag. Usually Im not quite this assy, its just that everything seemed to hit me pretty hard today. I was heading outside for a quick smokie when depression struck me. Im all alone in the city, with no friends other than the people I work with, My Fiance isn't with me, I'm fat and poor and I am really freaking stressed out about work cause its RRSP season now, and we are getting really busy and I still don't think I know what the fuck Im doing. Anyways, this hit me all at once today which really sucked, usually I only get depressed about one thing at a time which is bad enough. Anyways, I think I need hair therapy, Usually when Im this down, i always feel better about having a new style or maybe a new pair of shoes, hell maybe both. Although that won't really help the poor situation will it?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006


The other day I was sitting at home, kinda depressed and mopey about having to go back to work, when "M" says that he would like to go Snowtubing. Snowtubing! Yay! Instantly Im like a grown up turned ten year old and I am rushing around the house searching for the proper "snowtubing equipment" like mittens, splash pants etc. When I had gathered everything up, I was then left with the dubious task of manuvering my way into my suddenly too small splash pants. Much panting and tugging took place and when I got them on i truimphantly looked up to "M" as to say "See?, they fit" Instead I find "M" watching me with a sort of pained expression on his face. He says to me.. "Are you sure they fit? Cause you know whats going to happen when you sit down on one of those tubes...."

Of course they fit.. and I wiggle my big arse around just to prove the point, though not before shooting "M" a look that said: "Don't you even mention the small fact that my ass is somewhat bigger than last year.. Don't bring it up, don't let me think that you are ever thinking it ever or you will RUIN my SNOWTUBING Day!"

Off I go to the car and start up the goddamn thing to let it warm up. Of course as I was getting out of the car to go back into the house my fucking splashpants split right up the ass with a tear so loud it was probably felt in Hong Kong. Sigh.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Tis the season

Sweet. Its Christmas time once again. Time to spend, spend. Spend what you have, spend what you don't have, all in that search to find that perfect gift for all the special people you care about and for the people you don't really care about, but are obligated to buy a gift for so that you don't look so fucking cheap. I must confess that like most 20 something females, I love to shop. Indeed since moving to the city I have often gone to the malls just simply to look at all the things the stores have to offer. I get a feeling of warmth just by touching all the new clothes on their racks, waiting to be picked up by their new owners, and all the shiny trinkets and gadgets and make-up and perfumes and handbags and boots and shoes and jackets etc etc etc. Yes I love shopping.. For myself that is. Its not that I am necessarily a selfish, tight-ass by any means, I love to GIVE people gifts, I just HATE the thought process of picking things out for people that I have no clue of anything they would want. Its especially frustrating when certain people whom you are close too, refuse to tell you one thing that they would like to have. Chances are every single thing that I buy won't be much good, or people won't like it/use it and my hard earned money is basically thrown away. Or in the off chance that they actually like/use the gift I have given, my cold, cold heart gets all warm and fuzzy for a few tender moments. Its like fucking Russian roulette, except there isn't really that much chance of people being killed, unless I kill my own self from the sheer madness of it all.

And the malls at this time of year don't really help matters much either. All it takes is to be crashed into 20 times by normal-people-turned-insane-by the season with their goddamn shopping carts to realize that you could be spending the precious minutes of your life more effectively than this. I understand the reason being the usage of the shopping cart in the store, its handy, you don't have to carry everything all over if you are getting many purchases etc. But why, why do people feel the need to drive the damn things all throughout the mall? And am I missing something, or is there some kind of twisted law that states that every single shopping cart must be defective in ways that prevent it from being wheeled around properly? Every shopping cart I've ever encountered has crooked fucking wheels that make it impossible for me to wheel the thing in any sort of semblance to a straight line. But anyway, back to my point about shopping carts being driven in the mall. People there is just not enough room for every woman, man, child and shopping carts in the fucking mall at this time of year. If you are buying lots of nice things and require a cart in one store, after you pay for your purchases, please wheel the cart out to your car and unload your shit, taking care to put cart into proper cart storage so that it doesn't lay smack dab in the middle of a precious parking space and effectively causing someone to have what I call "Pre Mall Rage" when they go to pull in a parking spot only to have it occupied by a couple of fucking Shopping carts with rusty wheels. Yeah, you know you've done it...

This Christmas season, Im just going to buy some shit, wrap it up nice and pretty, stick some peoples names on it and call it good. Just add lots of Rum to my eggnog and keep it coming, and I'll be sure to have a Holly Jolly Christmas this year.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

An ode to lucy

The night I brought her home, uninvited and totally unwanted, I didn’t think there was a fragment of a chance that Mom or Dad would actually let her stay. The whole thing was just a shot in the dark I took, hoping that when they saw her that they would fall in love with her as quickly as I did. Bringing her home at midnight to tell them quite untruthfully that I had found her on the side of the road in the middle of a snowstorm didn’t hurt my chances either. The fact that she weighed probably less than a pound and could fit comfortably in the palm of my hand was a plus too. Also on my side was Dad working nights, and wouldn’t be able to protest until the morning. I rushed inside the house in a flurry, waking mom up, to come see what I had found and saved from certain death. Mom of course, believed my rather outlandish story, probably not due to the Emmy worthy performance, but because I think, deep down, she fell in love with Lucy instantly too, and like me, wanted an excuse to keep her with us. So for that night at least, I was victorious.

It was about 2:30 before I went to sleep, putting the puppy on the floor beside my bed. Soon her whimpering caused me to sweep her up in my arms and I placed her on my chest where she proceeded to climb up and rest right in the nook between my neck and shoulder and burrowed beneath my hair. From that minute on, I knew she was my baby. They had to let me keep her.

As I had correctly guessed, The next morning when Dad got home, He told Mom and I that the last thing we needed was another dog. The fact that she was such a cute little thing didn't impress him much it seemed. In fact, for a while I was sure that unlike Mom, he would never agree to let her stay. I was very wrong. Lucy stayed and over time she has been both a nuisance and an utter terror. The tiny puppy who was raised as a lapdog, quickly grew up to be a medium sized dog, who still thought that someones lap was the best place to sleep.

I miss her terribly.

Monday, September 12, 2005

Moving on

Saturday "M" and I went and got me my new apartment. Its very small, buts its all mine and I love it.

Quite frankly I am terrified about moving down there by myself. Im terrified of my first day at my new job too. Its like i've had myself in this neat little cocoon for 5 years, and now I'm scared of change. I know that its normal to feel a bit nervous when starting a new job, or when entering a new phase of life- but I always seem to do something to make an ass out of myself somehow. Like the first day at work, Im bound to fall on my face, or walk around with my zipper down, or mistakenly insult somebody. this stuff just happens to me...Its part of my karma and I can't escape it.

Friday, September 09, 2005


Oh God, I love Fridays.

Well I found out yesterday that I got the job, so it looks like I'll be moving to Moncton after all. The only problem is that I only have a week to find somewhere to live which is sending me into panic attacks every hour when I think about it. I've only got 3 days left of this work though, which is a very good thing, as my current boss totally hates me, and I don't even care.

So tommorrow "M" and I are going down to look at apartments etc. I'll check in to let you know how we make out!

Wednesday, September 07, 2005


ACK! I am so totally bored today. There is like nothing to do. Or well maybe there are things I could be doing, but I don't feel like doing them. Every damn time I look at the clock, only 3 frigging minutes have passed.

Waiting Waiting waiting to hear back from the job interview I had on Friday. This is probably a sign that I didn't get the job. Usually they call all the loser last. Sucks too, cause I really wanted it.

Found out that my boss is going to pay my replacement like a bunch more than me and give her extra vacation time too. A Plague on Both their Houses! I can't believe it!

Sweet Jesus, its finally 5 o'Clock! Yippie- Im outta here!!